so this is what is really going on in my life

these weeks.. have been very hard on my physical, mental and especially emotionally. I’m very unstable atm that every single little thing makes me crack and cry.

more like just stress and anxiety have taken toll on me so badly. This is so much worse than year 12.

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Also, I’ve been missing a lot of people. when you’re lonely, tired, and all you need is a cuddle. You think.

You think of all the good memories, of all the friendships lost, of all the people that actually mean something to you.

and i’ve been here for 3 years + and i can still say this strongly.

The friendships i had in brunei mean so much more to me than any friendships I will ever have here.

I miss you.

all i really need right now is a heart to heart talk with one of you. Just to remind me that you still care, that despite these hard times, it be okay, life is still good.

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Also because I’ve been so unstable, my relationship with J hasn’t been the best lately. But that’s because it’s really hard not seeing him everyday or even every week. And moving to melbourne, i don’t have as many close friends. It’s lonelier in the city. and because of that, i get a bit upset when i come home, uni assignments take up all my time, chores/cooking/whatever else. i don’t have any time for myself. It gets so hard on me that it’s affecting my relationship with him.

especially since he’s in the same predicament as well. He misses his mates and family so much (tho he would never admit it to anyone else) It’s really tough because on days like these, and there’s been plenty of days like this, all you really want to do is go home and cuddle your loved one.

and you come home to an empty house.

–

So this is what is really happening.

I’m exhausted, tired, and burnt out.
I’m putting my entire life on this because I love doing it so much that if I do fail, it would be… like I’m a failure because this is what i do, this is what i love.
i love being a photographer. ( i still have trouble saying that)

It’s one of those things.

i just kinda wish life would get a little bit brighter now.

Esther x

p.s: yes i only write when im depressed.