phootos : )

For those of you who do not have facebook, here’s a glimpse of my major folio for my first semester.

so this is what is really going on in my life

these weeks.. have been very hard on my physical, mental and especially emotionally. I’m very unstable atm that every single little thing makes me crack and cry.

more like just stress and anxiety have taken toll on me so badly. This is so much worse than year 12.

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Also, I’ve been missing a lot of people. when you’re lonely, tired, and all you need is a cuddle. You think.

You think of all the good memories, of all the friendships lost, of all the people that actually mean something to you.

and i’ve been here for 3 years + and i can still say this strongly.

The friendships i had in brunei mean so much more to me than any friendships I will ever have here.

I miss you.

all i really need right now is a heart to heart talk with one of you. Just to remind me that you still care, that despite these hard times, it be okay, life is still good.

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Also because I’ve been so unstable, my relationship with J hasn’t been the best lately. But that’s because it’s really hard not seeing him everyday or even every week. And moving to melbourne, i don’t have as many close friends. It’s lonelier in the city. and because of that, i get a bit upset when i come home, uni assignments take up all my time, chores/cooking/whatever else. i don’t have any time for myself. It gets so hard on me that it’s affecting my relationship with him.

especially since he’s in the same predicament as well. He misses his mates and family so much (tho he would never admit it to anyone else) It’s really tough because on days like these, and there’s been plenty of days like this, all you really want to do is go home and cuddle your loved one.

and you come home to an empty house.

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So this is what is really happening.

I’m exhausted, tired, and burnt out.
I’m putting my entire life on this because I love doing it so much that if I do fail, it would be… like I’m a failure because this is what i do, this is what i love.
i love being a photographer. ( i still have trouble saying that)

It’s one of those things.

i just kinda wish life would get a little bit brighter now.

Esther x

p.s: yes i only write when im depressed.

Um….

i just thought it was pretty depressing that I haven’t been blogging for ages because I’ve been so busy. I’m turning into one of those uni students with no time to do anything else and it’s horrible.

here’s a funny thing: i’m a photographer but i haven’t posted much photos at all lol

anyway, just a quick update to say I’m well, just really tired mentally and physically but I’m alive and that’s something to thank for.

Also, me and j are doing well. Visited him on the weekend was a good break. awesome photos, it rained heaps so it was all green. and if oyu don’t know australia has been really dry and brown and yucky, it was really good and relaxing. plus it rain again on the weekend.

i had a good break but now it’s back to normal busy life of a uni student.

goodbye.

oh semester 1 ends soon. Major project due in 4 weeks – June 15th.

I guess you don’t even know what the major project is or what i’m doing but I’m basing it on stereotypes.

been shooting actual models – done 3 shots with models on TFCD meaning i don’t pay them exchange for photos.

Been up and about all the time. Having two/three shoots this weekend and a lot more the coming weeks.

Anyway, goodbye : ) hope you’re having a fantastic life.